Chapter Text
Every so once in a while, maybe every 2 to 3 years, super spy Natasha Romanoff got bored during a meeting. Today was one of those one in a million days:
She was bored.
Agent,... something, she didn't bother remembering his name. He looked like those types of penpushers who only ever see their desk and then judge the people in the field on their techniques. Fun fact: he didn't only look like it, he acted like it.
And thus she had elected NOT to remember his name, for he was not worthy.
Across from her Tony was subtely playing Block Burst on his phone. Natasha noticed with pride that the few "how do I do subtle" lessons she had given him were paying off. Only she, a trained spy, noticed.
To Tony's right sat Sam, who was not-so-subtely nodding off. Every time his chin hit his chest, his head would jerk up again, and he would pretend to take notes on the notebook in front of him. In truth he was actually drawing pokemon.
Next to Nat and across from Sam sat Clint, who seemed to be debating - judging by his increasing glances at the vent system - whether or not he could get away with venting. Natasha gave him a solid 60 % chance of success.
To Natasha's left sat Thor, who was acting like he was paying attention - since that was the princely, chivalrous thing to do - whilst in reality Natasha could see his eyes were glassy, meaning he was somewhere completely different with his mind.
Steve was to Tony's left. He too was acting like he was making notes in his notepad. In reality, he was drawing what seemed to be Aragorn from Lord of the Rings. Occasionally though, he would stop his drawing and look over at Tony's screen, checking whether or not it was his turn yet (it was a "Till Death do me part with the phone" arrangement. If Tony died, Steve went. If Steve died, Tony went)
Which left Nat.
Subtely she fished her phone from her pocket. She clicked on Tony's number, which she still had to name something mean (he had recently changed it, so now he was saved as Tony, which really wouldn't do)
Nat quickly typed out a message and hit send:
Nat: I swear on Clint's stinky left sock, if I have to be here longer than 3 more minutes
I will commit a murder
not kidding
She waited a couple minutes, then frowned. Tony seemed not to even have gotten the message. She checked it: it did say it was sent. WaS tOnY gHoStInG hEr?! She was about to send another message to get a reaction, when her phone buzzed. She frowned: Tony was still playing block blast, he hadn't left the app, so what was going on?
She glanced down to read:
Tony: I feel your pain
Meetings are gut wrenching things
Need help hiding the body?
I know about 37 different ways to get rid of it
even shield won't be able to track it back to u
first time's free of charge
bcs i am bored mostly lmao
Nat: Who is this?
I think I got the wrong num
Tony: idk
were u planning to text a handsome fella?
Nat: ha, no, he wishes
Tony: yep you right
wrong number
i am gorgeous btw
at least, thats wut my aunties and uncles said
back when I was still a smol bean
so the num has to be wrong
who were u planning to text?
Nat: My co-worker
he is playing a video game on his phone
i think he gave me the wrong num
Tony: shame now who will you complain to
jk, complain to me, I ain't doing nothing
well I was gonna sleep
but it can wait
Nat: Sleep?!
at 8 at night?
Tony: #timezonesexist
its late here
also
random tangent
sleeping is great
i have no prob going to bed early
Nat: It is pretty nice
ur not exactly dead but ur not alive either
its a beautiful ecquilibrium
Tony: fr
its like being dead w/o commitment
Nat: an open relationship with death
Tony: death with benefits
an every night stands
Nat: tru tho
also,
tell me smth abt urself
I need to change ur name
Tony: i am awesome
gud looking
gud at math
gud at science
gud at biology
gud at chemistry
Nat: can u stop?
i get it
ur a nerd
no need to rub it in my face that much
Tony: just tryna be helpful :)
Nat: sure, sure, tots believe u
hey, u live in the same timezone as i!
it aint super late where u at!
oh and also:
Nat changed Tony's name to: Nerdy Geek
Nerdy Geek changed unknown number's name to: superspy supreme
Superspy Supreme: not a spy
whyd u make it that
Nerdy Geek: tots are!
u hacked to find out where I was at!
rude btw
not like I hacked ur phone either
Superspy Supreme: i just wanted to know :(
Nerdy Geek: theres this thing called asking
Superspy Supreme: would u have told me?
Nerdy Geek: ofc!
not
but still woul have been more polite
Superspy Supreme: good grades u got ther
Nerdy Geek: :/ pedo
Superspy Supreme: am not!
Nerdy Geek: sure u aint
sure
tots believe u
bruh this guy just tried to shoot me
Superspy Supreme: what?!
Nerdy Geek: in a video game
Call of duty?
every heard of that?
Superspy Supreme: yeah, my childish friend plays it a lot
oh gtg, this meeting from hell has finally ended
Nerdy Geek: lol ttyl
Superspy Supreme: ttyl
A/N: Next chap it gets better promise, just have to warm it up first. Next chapter is shenanigans etc and will be gud. Pinkie promise.